My boss' voice literally gives me gas
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
