well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
