I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
