SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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