"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
