I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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