things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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