my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
