so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
