I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
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well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize