I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
