the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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