At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
