I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
