His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is Oprah even human
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
