I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
