First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
