I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
