mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
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when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
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As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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