I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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