For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
