Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
