apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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