Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
