when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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