I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i've created a new STD.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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