ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize