She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i drank out of a bidet.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
