You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
