was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you win again, gameday.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
