yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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