So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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