they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
