also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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