i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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