if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
