I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
