Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
