planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
