btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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