first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
