babies were throwing up all over the place
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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