Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
