life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i've created a new STD.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
