Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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