you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
