I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize