the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize