Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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