I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend