If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
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Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.