Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
