did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
