In the future we'll all be gay
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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