he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
