Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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