she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
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But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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