I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
