I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
