$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
