don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
