Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
