What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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