Do you still have your period?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
