we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
