I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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