I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
